Sex in video games

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What are the best sex games on PC? From steamy sexy times in The Witcher 3, space rumpy-pumpy in Mass Effect: Legendary Edition, to lớn kinky bedroom antics in Fallout 4, these are the sexiest games on PC.

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Sex. It’s all around us. It’s leaking out of the walls. It’s flooding up through the floorboards. “Where’s all this sex coming from?” screams your mother, as she puts the sofa up on cinder blocks lớn protect it from the rising tide of sex. “Get all of the trắng goods up the stairs!”

“Get with it mum, you massive sầu prude,” you shout in reply, opening the back door và allowing a great wave sầu of filthy sex to lớn wash over the living room, carrying your dad’s slippers away in a frothy deluge while the family dog barks & barks, confused và soaking. That’s sex for you. Or houses in low-lying flood plains. I can never remember which is which.


Anyhoo, if you’re feeling a little… um, shall we say, ‘stimulated’, the following games all have copious amounts of virtual intercourse. Videogame bonking may not be particularly highbrow, with the act often portrayedas the equivalent of knocking a Barbie and Ken together, but hey, points for effort. Have sầu a cold shower on standby: these are the best PC sex games around.


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The best sex games are:


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Crusader Kings 3

Crusader Kings 3 is all about existing in a world where you can lie, cheat, steal, kill, & bonk your way khổng lồ the top. With this precarious way of life you’re bound to lớn come across some enemies along the way who, understandably, want you dead after you slept with their spouse, so you better have an heir waiting in the wings for when you’re poisoned.

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Everything in Crusader Kings 3 is always wrapped up in sex somehow. You can discover your wife humping a portrait of your grandfather, or even seduce the Pope if that’s your thing. Want someone khổng lồ continue your legacy? Have sầu sex! Want lớn become a monarch? Have sex! Want to lớn be upset because you find out your spouse is cheating on you with your cousin? Um, accidentally see them have sex? Anyway, Crusader Kings 3 is a very honest look at what humans are lượt thích when left alone to lớn be the worst versions of themselves, và our CK3 Đánh Giá can tell you how fun that is. If you’re interested in any of these sexual situations, here’s our beginner’s Crusader Kings 3 guide.

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South Park: The Stiông xã of Truth

When it comes khổng lồ sex games, South Park: The Stiông xã of Truth is as unconventional as they get. That is thanks to lớn a scene that plays out like Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, only with much more scrotum dodging.

After being shrunken down khổng lồ the kích cỡ of a gerbil, you emerge from a vent into your parents’ room. They start going at it on their bed while you fight off a bvà of underwear-stealing gnomes on the opposite dresser – because South Park. The fight does not over there, as soon you find yourself locked in conflict with an Underpants Warlock on the bed, dodging limbs and swinging appendages with graphic quichồng time events. Kind of lượt thích in your nightmares.

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Mass Effect: Legendary Edition

The Mass Effect series is the only reason you’re ever likely to lớn use the word ‘romanceable’ – at least until it inevitably becomes the name of a problematic dating tiện ích made in Silinhỏ Valley.

Mass Effect: Legendary Edition is an orgy of expansive sầu RPGs, filled to lớn the bryên with romanceable NPCs and is the best way lớn play the much celebrated trilogy. Across all three adventures, you will be able to flirt with many different NPCs and play a bit of tonsil tennis, before performing the horizontal mambo. You may even wish to establish a genuine connection with these NPCs, since you can carry over your progress và relationships across the three games.

Over the past decade, BioWare’s other RPGs have also become synonymous with sex. Relentless, unfettered, và delightfully progressive sex; games lượt thích Dragon Age: Inquisition also let you bonk just about anyone. Those randy reprobates at BioWare need to lớn be doused in several gallons of the iciest water available.

If you have a particular favourite Mass Effect buổi tiệc ngọt member và want khổng lồ court them, be sure to lớn kiểm tra out our Mass Effect Legendary Edition romance guide for all the best pickup lines. Just rethành viên to keep a backup save sầu whenever you decide to lớn sleep with one of the NPCs in Mass Effect 2 – we hear one’s a bit on the ‘rough’ side.

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Fallout 4

Bethesda are understated in their depiction of the deed, if only for fear of having to lớn animate all the wobbly bits without somebody’s crucial parts sticking in the terrain & elongating khổng lồ span the gap between Sanctuary và the Glowing Sea (incidentally the same technique employed by the medical practitioners who send enthusiastic emails to young men of low self-esteem).

Read more: Cheông chồng out our list of the best RPGs on PC

True khổng lồ life, sex in Fallout 4 is contingent upon a series of regular và increasingly challenging charisma tests. Once you familiarise yourself with the many Fallout 4 bugs, crashes and fixes that can interrupt your virtual coitus, and should you pass through the necessary checks & balances that prevent sex from happening khổng lồ insufficiently persuasive 200-year-old widowers, you will be treated to lớn a fade lớn blaông chồng và a night on one of the stained mattresses favoured by the denizens of the game’s Commonwealth.

The experience can be altered substantially if you know the right Fallout 4 mods. And if you’re not interested in digital intercourse, there are still plenty of Alsatian antics you can indulge in, as you’ll find out in our Fallout 4 PC review.

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The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt

The Witcher games are crawling with every different kind of fantasy wizard sex imaginable, khổng lồ the extent that the game và its cast of dozens of sexable NPCs has been criticised by some as brazenly sexist. It is perhaps only because The Witcher 3 & its convoluted quests are so patently ridiculous in this depiction of an unending parade of women latching on lớn Geralt’s balls that it can get away with these sorts of boning-upon-quest-completion transactions.

Whichever way you slice this cake, however, it is layers of sex sponge with sex filling in between, no doubt about it. The Witcher 3 was the best game of năm ngoái and has sex all up in it, no matter how you might feel about that. Seek out our The Witcher 3 PC review to find out why the action-RPG classic has a lot more going for it than between-the-sheets deviancy.

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The Tearoom

Robert Yang is the master of offbeat sex games packed with humour and ridiculous, shiny 3D character models. The Tearoom is ostensibly about having sex with lots of men in public bathrooms, but there’s a story behind this, which is why Yang refers lớn The Tearoom as a ‘historical public bathroom simulator’. Bachồng in the ‘60s, hidden surveillance was often used to lớn secretly film men having sex with other men in a public bathroom & imprison them under sodomy laws. In The Tearoom, you’re tasked with getting with và getting off as many dudes as possible without getting caught by the police. Oh, và all the penises are gun barrels.

Why? Well, Lots of Yang’s games are banned on Twitch because of their sexual content, so in order khổng lồ ensure the same doesn’t happen khổng lồ The Tearoom, Yang has replaced all of the penises with objects that are never censored: guns.

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Fahrenheit: Indigo Prophecy

What sort of shambles of a danh mục of sex games would this be without mentioning the stomach-turning sex scene in Farenheit: Indigo Prophecy, in which a woman does full sex with a man who is technically an animated corpse at the kết thúc of the world, pausing only lớn remark that he is “freezing”?

That is no sort of sex games list I want any part of, let me tell you. Bonus points are awarded here for the sex act taking place in a pile of filthy old, wee-smelling cardboard boxes in some sort of hole in the ground where disgusting people live sầu.

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One Night Stand

What bởi you bởi after waking up in an unfamiliar room with a foggy head và a naked stranger sleeping beside you? One Night Stvà is an indie sex game that explores the awkward aftermath of a drunken night of passion. You’ll have to lớn tìm kiếm the unfamiliar bedroom for clues, talk lớn the stranger, & ultimately decide how you want the encounter to end. There are twelve sầu ways for this game lớn end depending on your actions, but the real draw of One Night Stvà is that its human interactions feel organic and realistic.

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Genital Jousting

Much like NSFWare, Genital Jousting is a sex game that’s best played with friends at a các buổi party. You control a squidgy, squirming, slippery phallus, và across all of its various modes the main alặng of the game is to lớn steer your colourful penis inlớn as many of your rivals as possible. Genital Jousting even has a surprisingly affecting – và very surreal – single player story where you try and get John the penis a date for his high school reunion.

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Wolfenstein: The New Order

There are two bits of sex in Wolfenstein: The New Order. The first & most notable happens on a train journey, shortly after a terrifying encounter with maniacal labour camp commandant Frau củ Engel. After passing a racial purity thử nghiệm and proving yourself worthy of the master race, there’s a brief bit of walking around holding a tray of realistically sloshing coffee. And then, just lượt thích that, there is a sex.

Our hero, even in the throes of physical ecstasy, cannot help but be introspective. “Sometimes Christmas, sometimes birthdays, sometimes mayhem, suffering and death,” monologues BJ. “Sometimes you just need to feel something good.”

All of which must have been distracting to lớn his friend & resistance leader Anya, who is busily going khổng lồ town on hlặng. Anyhoo, read up on why Wolfenstein: The New Order is one of 2014’s best games.

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NSFWare

Definitely the most pornographic entry on this các mục of the best sex games, NSFWare is so proud of that moniker it’s tagline is “Warioware meets Pornhub”. And that really is the best way to describe this mashup of minigames where you’re given a few seconds to lớn carry out a series of sexual acts ranging from swapping participants in an threesome so they match a colour scheme, lớn stopping a character from orgasming too soon. The only controls are the arrow keys, so the ‘game’ part of NFSWare is figuring out the patterns & timing of each sex act. All of the sex is depicted in bold colours & pixels, which ensure there’s a lightness & sense of humour lớn everything rather than seriousness.

Triad is a much less raunchy alternative. Taking place just after a threesome, Triad puts you in charge of arranging who sleeps where in the aftermath, trying to appease several sleeping habits in a very tight space.

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Coming Out On Top

An interactive sầu graphic novel about a college student coming to terms with his sexuality in the only way he knows how: by slinging it around like it is going out of fashion. In Coming Out On Top, you can focus your attentions on one of five men (or a fish) in this gay dating simulator, unlocking a catalogue of still-frame, sequence shots of really quite remarkably hot sex.

Unburdened of the usual game mechanics of jumping on heads, collecting crystals, & blasting orbs of pure energy from your eyes, sex in Coming Out On Top can instead freely explore the myriad ways in which it’s possible to lớn be carnally satisfied.

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So, there you have it, the best sex games on PC. Once you’ve sầu dipped your privates in an ice bucket for an hour or two, make sure you kiểm tra out the best upcoming PC games. And if you really must indulge filthy thoughts, fantasise about what sort of lurid sex acts Geralt will get up lớn in The Witcher 4. For the time being, though, you should calm down, think unsexy thoughts (oooh, steamed celery!), & try khổng lồ redirect all that blood towards your head. Now, let’s never speak of sex again.


Chuyên mục: BLog